Ashley & Evan Weller
On Leadership, Support, and Service
Let’s start from the beginning shall we? Please tell us a little about yourselves:
ASHLEY: I grew up an only child in Schnecksville, PA; a small town situated in the Lehigh Valley. I found a love of theatre and dance at an early age working with local devised theatre companies doing musicals in high school. Eventually I was accepted to IUP (Indiana University of Pennsylvania) to study theatre and dance full time.
After graduating, I found myself back in the Lehigh Valley and continued working with The Pennsylvania State Association for Health, Physical Education, Recreation and Dance (PSAHPERD), State Theatre for the Arts, eventually landing a job with The Lehigh Valley Charter High School for the Arts as part of the theatre faculty. In my eight years of teaching at Charter Arts, I’ve directed a number of shows including Chicago, Hair, The Real Inspector Hound, and The Bacchae. In 2010, I received the Dance Teacher of the Year Award from PSAHPERD and received the Emerging Leader Award in 2014. Currently, I’m also an ensemble affiliate with Touchstone Theatre in Bethlehem, PA where I’ve appeared (and will again next year) in the annual devised production of Christmas Follies. In addition to Follies, I’ve assisted with Touchstone's Young Playwrights Festival for the past two years. This summer, I’ll be traveling to Fara in Sabina, Italy this summer for Teatro Potlach's festival FLIPT.
EVAN: I grew up in Sinking Spring, PA with my parents and younger sister. Because I was incredibly energetic, soccer quickly became my first love. I played non-stop, including participating on JV and Varsity teams in high school. Eventually, I was accepted to Moravian College, known for its outstanding teacher program, becoming a (soccer) captain my senior year. When I started my job search, it was important to me to find a school where I could make a difference - in teaching and in soccer. I found Phillipsburg High School in New Jersey and landed a job as an English teacher (where I still work to this day). Over time I worked my way up from assistant coach of the soccer team to head coach my second year. At the time, the Phillipsburg soccer team was small in comparison to the football and wrestling programs. I’ve worked hard to build the team to where it is now. In addition to coaching, I also established a youth program, which continues to improve and grow each year. I’ve been fortunate to have received Coach of the Year in the Lehigh Valley in both 2013 and 2015.
Did you always know you wanted to teach?
ASHLEY: Evan always knew he wanted to be a teacher. Initially, he wanted to be a math teacher but found English as the subject he wanted to teach because he had to figure it out. He felt he could help students understand it better since he had to work so hard to get it himself.
I think I fell into teaching. I remember my mentor mentioning this to me during my time at IUP, and I fought it with every bit of my being. But when I got into my interview process and actually started teaching something that means a lot to me, I knew it was the right path.
How did you meet one another?
ASHLEY: Evan and I met online. We both believe we never would have found each other if it wasn't for the online dating scene. Even though Evan teaches English and coaches soccer and I teach theatre and direct/choreograph, we found so many similarities in our daily work. We're both very passionate about what we do, try to reach kids, deal with parents and administrators, and continually strive to better ourselves and serve our community.
Let’s get into this leadership stuff….What qualities make a great mentor, role model, or leader in your mind?
ASHLEY: I believe one of the greatest qualities is honesty. A mentor, role model, or leader shouldn’t fear honesty with themselves or with others. I also agree with Evan on patience, because when you take on a role like this, patience is a virtue.
EVAN: Way too many to list, but a few integral ones are courage, patience, understanding, resilience, vision, grit, humility, and drive.
Is there anyone, either in your life or in the world who embodies these characteristics to you?
ASHLEY: I have one mentor who is someone that I believe embodies these qualities. Her name is Holly Boda-Sutton and she is a professor of dance and the artistic director of the dance company at IUP. She was my teacher when I attended and we continued to keep in touch even after I graduated. I value her as a mentor because she has gone through many points in her life where she was challenged and looked to her own mentor for help or guidance. And while I go to her with questions or concerns about my occupation, hobbies, and/or life, she has found the delicate balance of guiding me and letting me figure it out for myself.
EVAN: I don’t think anyone is perfect, but John Wooden (American basketball player and head coach at UCLA) is about as close to it as I would want to get, even though he just died a few years ago.
Has there been a significant event or person that’s shaped your character/personality?
ASHLEY: I think there have been various points throughout my life that have shaped who am I today. I’ve found that events that occurred in my twenties were the ones that taught me the most (so far). I found the people that I wanted to be associated with and had to let others drift away. This was a hard lesson one to learn at the time but was definitely for the best.
EVAN: Of course, but I don’t know if there is only one though. I believe that it is important to have mentors in all areas of life. So, I want to, and try to, learn from great coaches, great husbands, great fathers, great businessmen, great philanthropists, etc.
What are some of your favorite resources about leadership or how to be a role model or mentor? (Books, podcasts, websites, TV shows, etc.)
ASHLEY: Honestly, I don’t know that I have any physical resources (books/podcasts/websites). I think I go off remaining true to myself and observing others around me with how they handle situations. I find going to my mentors and having discussions suits me best.
EVAN: Great question. There are so many. In fact, I took them all and developed a leadership class at my high school for my students. So . . . I could break them into categories.
TED TALKS - If you are looking for TED Talks, I recommend anything by Simon Sinek. I think that he is the best right now. I also like “Everyday Leadership” by Drew Dudley and “Why I Read a Book a Day” by Tai Lopez. Amy Cuddy speaks about the “Power of Body Language and Confidence”. And Natalie Warne (a teenager) empowers kids to change the world in her talk “Anonymous Extraordinaries.”
BOOKS - John Maxwell, of course, is the quintessential answer. He is a legend. But, there are so many other authors, too. In my class, we’ve read How to Win Friends and Influence People, How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People, How I Raised Myself from Failure to Success in Selling, Personality Plus (and take the quiz), The Slight Edge, The Talent Code, The Ant and the Elephant, and parts from Outliers and Launching a Leadership Revolution.
CDs/PODCASTS – Most of my favorite leadership CDs are stories. So, I have listened to the stories of coaches, entrepreneurs, businessmen, athletes, and inventors. All of the resources have great nuggets of truth. Just take one lesson at a time.
On the surface, it can seem that the world of soccer and the world of theatre/dance are very different. You sort of alluded to this earlier, but do you ever find these worlds affect, influence, or parallel each other? Or is this a case of opposites attract?
ASHLEY: Our worlds are actually a lot alike, even though he lives in sports and I live in the arts. Throughout the school year, during soccer season, during my rehearsals, Evan and I come against the same obstacles (students, parents, colleagues, curriculum, paperwork, etc.). Because of this, we're able to understand each other and lean on one another. We recognize that our ability to have these outlets ultimately make us stronger and better people.
Our college experiences were also similar. We both had to balance very intense external activities with a full class schedule. It turns out, there are a lot of parallels to soccer and theatre. Both fields are highly competitive, mentally, physically, and emotionally demanding, comprised of players with specific roles, and where success is dependent on trust and teamwork.
It's funny, people are always saying to us “You’re always so busy. How do you keep up with the hours?” While it’s true that school, theatre, soccer, and family keep us super busy, it’s part of something bigger that’s ingrained in both of us. I feel that even even if we weren’t pursuing these specific passions, we’d still be spending a lot of our time in some other way to benefit others.
EVAN: Yes. Definitely. I find we actually do the same things but in different fields. I believe that this common ground strengthens our bond because we can relate to one another.
We both lead students. We both teach, coach, train, mentor, and model. We both have to bring groups of people together, deal with negative feedback, and solve problems. We both have to cast a vision to students or players and we both understand the awesome responsibility that we have been blessed with.
And because this responsibility can be difficult (and because we both take it so seriously), it is imperative to have someone understand your struggles and your successes. We are both on the same journey, so we can offer each other advice. I feel truly blessed to have a wife who supports and understands my dreams and my aspirations.
Have you ever tried your hand at the other’s activity?
ASHLEY: I attempted to play when I was younger. But during my first game, I got hit in the head by the soccer ball, and immediately left the field...in the midst of the game.
Evan’s only performed on the soccer field. In fact, he’d only seen one play/musical/dance show before meeting me. Now, he’s seen a million.
How important is it for kids to have role models, mentors, or a strong leader in their lives?
ASHLEY: Very important. They need someone they can trust, someone they can turn to, someone they are not afraid to speak to even if it is embarrassing or could possibly "get them in trouble." Especially today, when everything is on social media and they are so easily influenced. This is not to say that role models have all the answers but just someone being there can make a difference.
As adults, we need them (role models) just as much. For the same exact reasons I stated for the kids. Sometimes you just need someone you can trust and be honest with to help you.
EVAN: Critical. Absolutely critical. For some kids it will happen by default, but the older kids begin to seek mentors once they understand the importance. We actually have a mentor program on the soccer team. I pair a senior with a freshman (I let them choose) and then the mentor is responsible for the successes of the mentee/protégé. We take care of younger players, and, if they succeed, we all succeed. The older players really relish this responsibility. I get to mentor our captains/seniors, so I have to model the behavior that I want my kids to repeat.
In the classroom, I stress the importance of role models, but it is harder because you are confined by the rules of the classroom. The only thing that I can do is share my mentors with the kids, explain the value, and then urge them to seek one for themselves. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
The answer here may be obvious, but have your students ever taught you an important lesson on leadership or being a strong role model?
ASHLEY: Absolutely. There are just too many occasions to list. One example is when you attempt to approach a lesson or teachable moment and a student (or several) doesn’t understand you and/or the material. It teaches you to be flexible and that not everyone learns/listens/understands the same way. And while this fact may be common knowledge, it is a different experience when it is your job to teach. This lesson has been the most important for me to learn as a role model and is why patience, flexibility, and honesty are key. When a student trusts you, it is both a scary and a great feeling. I feel an obligation there and my students notice the effort.
EVAN: Oh my goodness yes. Everyday. Often, though, they are the mirror or the lens through which I see myself. It is the way that I can measure how well I am doing. For instance, one of my students was telling me the other day that my students like coming to class and are willing to do my work because I take the time to ask how their days are going (and then I actually listen and respond to them). She said that a lot teachers don’t do that. And as a result, kids are more willing to work hard for me. It was an enlightening experience.
Do you have any strategies for managing group dynamics or differences? Are there any lessons you impart regarding different perspectives, opinions, personalities, work styles, etc?
ASHLEY: This is something I have started to do more of in my classes. Again, I try to stay flexible based on the student’s learning style. Depending on the assignment, I give options to work alone or in small groups. I’ll find the students who aren’t afraid to speak up and pair them with a student who is more introverted, hoping that each can take a cue from the other.
I remind them that the world needs both leaders and followers, and that these roles can switch, but that doesn’t mean all voices shouldn’t be heard. I also reiterate that there always needs to be a level respect and openness in order for all creative voices to shine through. I think I have this discussion with my freshmen the most.
Lastly, I try to use my colleagues and myself as examples. I believe it’s healthy for my students to know that the four of us do not always agree on certain topics, classroom management, artistic choices, etc. but we have learned ways around this in order to collaborate and work together.
EVAN: So many to list, but I highly recommend Personality Plus and the other people skills books that I listed above. I always try to choose my (soccer) captains from the four quadrants of Personality Plus because each one will have such different strengths and weaknesses. It also helps me to help them appreciate everyone, and more will get accomplished that way.
Do you have any philosophies or mantras for believing in yourself, developing confidence, or simply changing your mentality for the better?
ASHLEY: I have a box of letters, cards, sticky-notes, and pictures from students since I began teaching. I also have an email folder. This is a great way to find confidence and remember that while I am teaching them, they are also teaching me and I always have more to learn.
A philosophy I think I am living more and more each day is to take a deep breath and decide what needs your energy or time and what doesn’t. You are not always going to make everyone happy, get everything done, or be perfect in everything. But as long as you listen and are kind, caring, and thoughtful, you will always have something to be grateful for.
EVAN: Self talk is big. I believe there is a book called What to Say When you Talk to Yourself, but I haven’t read it yet. Basically, there is a whole series of things to do in order to develop confidence. Again, the books and TED Talks will give you plenty of specific strategies. That said, that won’t necessarily be enough. You still need to live the ideals and practice everyday. You have to tell yourself what you believe in, where you are going, and why you are going there. Everyday. And you attach emotion to it. If you don’t know, continue to search until you find your answers and then employ the strategies from the books. Confidence comes naturally from people who are on fire for a dream. Confidence comes from within and it radiates out.
It’s really easy to feel like you don’t have the experience or expertise to be considered a role model or leader. Do you ever battle with impostor syndrome or other negative thoughts such as fear or doubt? If so, how do you navigate that?
ASHLEY: Yes, impostor syndrome - it was awful when I began teaching. I had 100+ students looking to me for answers everyday. All these thoughts ran through my head, “who am I to tell them how to act”, “who am I to tell them that this performance was better or worse than the last”, “who am I to stifle/ build their creative voices”. It was intimidating, but I had to employ what I looked for in my mentors and teachers, honesty. If I didn’t know something, I would tell them and then go home and figure it out. The next day I would came back and was able to explain it to them or have a discussion.
I remember the first letter I received that tore apart a show I directed and choreographed. This person annihilated everything that I had worked on for four months. I was completely devastated and embarrassed. The first thought I had was that I let my students down. I went to Evan and he said to keep the letter somewhere so that I could go back to and read it again. He then shared a letter with me that he received when he began coaching and teaching that tore him apart. He said that not everyone will agree with or even like you. They could be jealous of you, wish they had the same drive, or just have negativity in their own life, you never know. Sometimes these negative letters/emails are a good thing because they make you reflect. Funnily enough, I found that letter a few months ago and it made me chuckle about how much I’ve grown as a person since I received it.
For everyday moments of negativity, I don’t hold anything in and as soon as I let it out, it becomes something I have to fix. I just try to take a deep breath and go at it head on.
EVAN: Funny you ask. I just went over this with my leadership class. The answer comes from a book called The Ant & the Elephant. The short answer is Pattern Interrupt. You must recognize that you aren’t getting the results you want or that you might be feeling complacent. Then, you rekindle your dream and focus on that. Once you get your goal or your dream into your subconscious, you will be right back on track.
What do you do when you feel stuck or you hit a wall? (Mentally, emotionally, creatively, etc?)
ASHLEY: It depends on the situation. I tend to walk away from what is holding me back for an hour, a day, or a weekend. I try to clear my mind or find something else to do – exercise, watch a movie, hang out with friends, or read a book. I found that sometimes you just need space. Once you’ve cleared your mind you can return with fresh eyes and a better attitude.
EVAN: Revisit the dream. Find a mentor. Often, when I can’t find my own way out of a problem I will seek outside help. I have mentors in my coaching life, my financial life, my teaching life, etc. You get the idea. Having a mentor is like having someone in a helicopter to guide you through the forest when you feel lost.
What’s the most challenging and the most rewarding part of what you do?
ASHLEY: Most rewarding - when a student’s light bulb goes off. It’s pretty amazing when you see them working through something, whether in rehearsal or class, and it just clicks.
Challenging – It is a lot of hard work. And when you love it as much as I do, you can really give it your all and don't always receive it back.
EVAN: The time commitment is the most challenging. And the realization that I won’t be able to help everyone. I might fail some kid who needed me. I feel really crappy about that.
The most rewarding parts are watching other people succeed, bringing light to a place that didn’t have it before, building something that will live on after I’m gone, and creating a legacy through others.
Have you ever straight up failed? What did you learn and how did you come back from it?
ASHLEY: Haha, absolutely. I learned how to pick myself back up because there won’t always be someone else to do it for you. On the flip side, there are times when a risk did pay off. No matter how it plays out, you can learn from it.
EVAN: Oh my goodness yes. Of course. Many times. Failure is necessary. But I believe some famous speaker said something like “going from failure to failure with the same resolve is why I will succeed.” I also like this one, “I fail and I fail and I fail and that is why I succeed”.
Failure is stigmatized in schools and it shouldn’t be. I’ve failed many times as a player: been benched, cut from teams, missed opportunities, let my teammates down, didn’t receive all-star status, or achieve my personal goals. I’ve failed as a person, a friend, a leader, and a coach. But I am a competitive person so I always want to know what I can do so that I never fail again (or at least prevent myself from making the same mistake again). Every time we lose a soccer match, I want to know what I can do better to prepare my team so that we never lose again.
What makes you feel strong or powerful?
ASHLEY: When someone says something about a show/performance/class/moment in time after it happened. To me, this means that it made them feel and that they remembered the experience. Also, a good haircut, manicure/pedicure, or a coffee from Starbucks really does make me happy. Sometimes you have to do little things for yourself to be a better, stronger, more powerful you.
EVAN: Gratitude, without a doubt. Everyday, I say to myself, “I am blessed and highly favored. I am blessed and highly favored.” It gives me great strength every time. I also enjoy watching my players/students succeed. When they grow into respectful young men and achieve success on and off the field, I take great pride in that.
In times of stress, how do you relax, take care of yourself, or indulge yourself?
ASHLEY: Go for a walk, take deep breaths. I ask myself if this is worth getting upset over or if it’s even something I can fix. Honestly, I am still working on this one. Breathing has helped, as well as being more open with myself and others. When I’m stressed, I go to Evan a lot because he often will have gone through the same thing and will understand. I am a work in progress!
EVAN: Honestly, I don’t feel that I am good person to answer this question because I rarely relax. But when I do, I usually let my mind drift, which usually leads to innovation and new ideas. I listen to podcasts on the way to work everyday. I read.
I intentionally put “good stuff” into my brain and that always makes my everyday problems seem much smaller. Also, I’ll take a deep breath, focus on my dream, and decide whether this obstacle is gonna take me closer to or further from my dream. Then, I act accordingly.
I once heard a speaker say that the size of the leader can be determined by the size of the problem it takes to unseat him/her. Therefore, I don’t let myself become unseated by everyday problems. Smile. Take a deep breath. Do your best. And solve the problems one at a time. But always remember to be grateful and to smile. Gratitude goes a long way. It’s tough to be upset if you feel truly blessed to get to do what you love to do.
What is the best advice you've ever been given? (career or otherwise)
ASHLEY: Don’t lie, it doesn’t get you anywhere. Be kind to everyone, even if they aren’t kind to you. Treat those like you would want to be treated. These tend to be cliches, I know, but these three have come full circle for me and I truly believe in them. My favorite is that you have to love and be happy with yourself first before you can give it out to others.
EVAN: Depends on the situation. Some of my favorite philosophies are as follows:
Be on fire to learn and grow. Set yourself on fire and you light the path for others.
Look at the problem you are dealing with right now and ask yourself, “Is this a hill worth dying on?” If so, keep fighting. If not, march on and find the hill worth dying on (and the cause worth fighting for).
Who or what inspires you? (in your job, life, etc.)
ASHLEY: This one is hard for me to answer. I tried to think a lot of about this. And I think what inspires me, whether for teaching, acting, or being a wife/daughter/friend is love. For me, it all comes down to love.
EVAN: Success. Watching others succeed.
What scares you?
ASHLEY: Being alone.
EVAN: Failure. Mediocrity. Having regrets.
What motivates you?
ASHLEY: This one is also really hard for me to answer. I think my motivation comes from wanting to improve and be a better person, and a good example, in all facets of my life.
EVAN: My dreams.
What brings you the greatest joy?
ASHLEY: The feeling of accomplishment after I've poured my heart into whatever it is that I'm doing.
EVAN: Pursuing my daily goals and dreams with my wife.
What brings you the greatest satisfaction?
ASHLEY: When others around me notice my dedication and hard work.
EVAN: Watching my students/players succeed.
What’s one quality about yourself or your life that you’re trying to improve?
ASHLEY: Funnily enough, self-confidence and leadership qualities.
EVAN: Listening.
What is an experience that you would want to experience again?
ASHLEY: When my husband proposed to me.
EVAN: Vacations with my wife.
What would you like to do that you haven’t done yet?
ASHLEY: To go sailing for a couple weeks.
EVAN: See the world. Visit every continent. Win back-to-back championships. Become financially free. Donate 90% of our income to a charity. Start a school.
What should everyone do at least once in their life?
ASHLEY: Take a trip that scares them….but in a good way.
EVAN: Work your heart out for something and succeed at it. Also, go skydiving.
Beyond what we’ve covered here, what is something you really want people to know about you?
ASHLEY: Even though I'm in theatre and dance, I'm a total introvert.
EVAN: Nothing.
What is a favorite memory?
ASHLEY: Listening to music on reel-to-reel with my dad growing up. We still do this today except now we sing and talk as a whole family...and drink gin and tonics.
EVAN: So many. Our wedding, childhood vacations, time with family, winning the H/W/S Championship.
What is a creative experience that moved or changed you?
ASHLEY: I just finished directing and choreographing HAIR. I spent a lot of time reflecting through the process and checked in with myself a lot. This experience has definitely changed me for the better; as a director, teacher, choreographer, performer, and as a person.
What’s your favorite song or album? (or closest you can get to it)
ASHLEY: I love "Mr. Bojangles" by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. I'm also slightly obsessed with Justin Timberlake's 20/20 album.
EVAN: I do love “Simple Man” and “I Can’t Help Falling in Love with You” because they reignite such strong memories.
What’s your favorite piece of literary work? (book, play, poem, etc.)
ASHLEY: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead by Tom Stoppard. I also love The Great Gatsby.
EVAN: I really like The Old Man and the Sea, but They Call Me Coach (John Wooden’s memoir) is my favorite book.
What is your favorite restaurant?
ASHLEY: Evan and I went to this amazing BBQ place in New Orleans called The Joint. It was a local favorite. I definitely danced on the way out thanking the staff. That's how good the food was.
EVAN: Today, it’s Youell’s Oyster House in Allentown, PA.
Who is on your guest list (alive or dead) for your perfect dinner party?
ASHLEY: Marilyn Monroe, Frank Sinatra, Baz Luhrmann.
EVAN: Probably a list of the greatest coaches of all time.
What would your last meal be?
ASHLEY: Crab legs, lobster tail, and a piece of pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms. A gin and tonic and a glass of Riesling.
EVAN: Something involving seafood.
Where is your favorite place on earth?
ASHLEY: So far, the Flamingo Resort in St. Martin.
EVAN: Not sure yet, but I do love Spojnia Farm – a childhood vacation spot.
What’s are the things you can’t live without?
ASHLEY: Respect.
EVAN: Respect and integrity. Also, my wife. :)
If you could give a piece of advice to someone interested in starting something or taking a leap – whether it’s a business, a new career path, going back to school, a new adventure, a relationship – what would you tell them?
ASHLEY: Hard work pays off. Don’t give up even if it you think it will never happen.
EVAN: Just start. Don’t worry. Don’t delay. Don’t be afraid to fail. Find a mentor. Ignore the naysayers.
What advice would you give to your teenage or younger self?
ASHLEY: Stop worrying about what others think.
EVAN: Take more chances. But overall, I like the life I lead, so I would just want to tell him that all he is doing as a teenager will pay off someday.
